This Lent, I’m Fasting From Diet Culture

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the start of the 40 days of Lent. Discussions of fasting and “giving things up” can make Lent a triggering time for those who have struggled with, or are supporting a loved with, an eating disorder/disordered eating. Fasting or restricting a person’s intake can lead to a lot of physical and mental health concerns, and therefore, should never be seen as a necessary practice.

How one observes Lent is a very personal decision but ultimately, the point is to focus more closely on God. And we cannot focus on God without loving our neighbor. Fasting is not required to love your neighbor, and in fact, it quite often detracts from it.

Think about it. You are in the cafeteria. Your friend is eating meat on a Friday. You say, “yo, its Friday!” and they put down their hamburger. What have you accomplished? The world isn’t any better than it was two minutes ago.

Now, let’s say you are in the cafeteria fasting from diet culture. You refuse to laugh at jokes about other people’s bodies. You make an effort to really listen to the person talking instead of worrying about your next appointment. Sure, you did not solve world peace, but you are slowly dismantling an oppressive system that labels only certain types of bodies are holy, moral, and worthy.

So, this year, I’m fasting from diet culture (at least I am trying to, that’s the other thing- God’s love is so vast that we can mess up, dust ourselves off, and try again).

1. I will fast from media that tries to sell me diets, even if they are packaged in the name of “wellness.”
2. I will fast from making judgments about myself or others based on their body size, including about their morality, their athletic ability, their struggles, their health, etc.
3. I will fast from referring to certain foods as “good” or “bad,” realizing that doing so can also have racist and classist implications.
4. If I do not find a purpose for doing a certain exercise beyond calorie burn or weight loss, I will refrain from that exercise.
5. I will not laugh at jokes that poke fun at certain body types.
6. I will honor my hunger, or if I am recovering from an eating disorder and cannot yet trust my body to give me hunger signals, I will put my trust in someone who can help me.
7. I will fast from telling myself I do not deserve help, while at the same time, working to assist others obtain help if they are having difficulty.
8. I will pay closer attention to the needs of those around me. Rather than restricting my own intake, I will think of ways I can give my own time, money, resources, ideas, etc.
9. I will do more talking in spaces where voices like mine have been marginalized, and more listening in spaces where voices like mine have been dominant. 
10. I will try to gentle with myself and others, while recognizing that being gentle does not preclude setting boundaries with people who say or do things that hurt me.
11. I will try to be patient with others, remembering they may be struggling with something I cannot see.
12. I will fast from listening to people who tell me that I am doing Lent the wrong way. This is between God and myself. It is not a contest.
13. I will add my own voice and perspective to these since the person that wrote them does not know everything about everything, and is a work in progress too.

Great thing here is that once Lent is done, its great to continue these things. Lent need not be about giving something up and then rushing to do it again at Easter. It can be moving toward a long-term change that will ultimately benefit your relationship with yourself, your loved ones, and God.

I wish everyone a blessed Lent!

Challenging the Traditional Gender Binary is not a Disorder: The Insensitivity of the Diocese of Marquette’s Comparison of Gender Dysphoria to Anorexia

The Diocese of Marquette recently received attention for issuing a guidance stating that “a person who publicly identifies as a different gender than his or her biological sex or has attempted ‘gender transitioning’ may not be baptized, confirmed, or received into full communion in the church, unless the person has repented.”

To defend this, the Diocese compares transgender persons to persons suffering from anorexia.

“In this disorder there is an incongruence between how the persons perceive themselves and their bodily reality,” the guidance says. “Just as we would refer a person with anorexia to an expert to help him or her, let us also refer persons with gender dysphoria to a qualified counselor to help them while we show them the depth of our love and friendship.

This shows not only how insensitive and close-minded the diocese is toward LBGTQIA+ persons, but also how out of touch they are with the reality of those suffering with mental health issues (many of whom are also gay or transgender).

According to ANAD, eating disorders, of which anorexia is the most deadly, kill one person every 52 minutes. Although extreme weight loss and/or body dysmorphia sometimes accompany an eating disorder, less than 6% of people with eating disorders are medically underweight. In other words, anorexia is not simply a thin person thinking they are overweight (which already is a problematic term given that the BMI is a racist, sexist standard that was invented to measure populations of white European men, not health). Going to sleep at night and not knowing if you or your loved one is going to wake up due to the physical effects of an eating disorder is an experience that I would not wish on anyone. I cannot believe that living with an eating disorder is living how God intended one to be, although I believe God’s love is never far from a person in the depths of one. 

Being gay or transgender is neither disordered nor unhealthy. The disorder, rather, lies in the hearts of those who remain closed to any challenge to a strict gender binary.  God desires our human flourishing, and unlike the case of an eating disorder, I cannot believe that a person being able to perform the gender identity that fits with what they feel in their heart is against God’s will or intention. What kind of God would want otherwise? The only reason being gay or transgender is life-threatening is our reactions. According to the Trevor Project, 42% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered suicide in the past year. As a college professor, I have read and talked to numerous students who have lost their faith in God due to the cruelty they have experienced from Catholic parents, clergy, teachers, and friends. I always tell them that with this reaction, they show a knowledge of God deeper than most. In the words of Edward Schillebeeckx, “it is better not to believe in God than a God than enslaves human beings.” Whatever “God” would treat them as such cannot be God at all.

When I was fifteen, I witnessed a gay teenager get kicked out of an eating disorder treatment program, a program he did not feel comfortable in since it was clearly and explicitly designed for cisgender girls. I can still vividly remember his mother’s cries. Perhaps, being only fifteen, people might let me of the hook for not saying or doing more. However, thirty-two year- old recovered me with a PhD in theology has no excuse and refuses to stay silent any longer.

I am a volunteer support group leader for people struggling with eating disorders, many of whom are transgender or non-binary. Transgender college students report experiencing disordered eating at four times the rate of their cisgender classmates. Eating disorders are linked to the experience of being forced to hide one’s true identity from others, to not be able to express themselves freely (something non-binary people would not have to do if we could all be more kind). Eating disorders are hell as it is. Imagine on top of that having to worry about where you can use the bathroom, or whether your relationship will be recognized by others, or whether you will be forced to leave your church, your gym, or even your family simply for being who you are. I hear stories like these all the time.

If the Catholic Church truly cared about people with anorexia, this comparison would never have been made. And, of course, the Catholic Church cannot claim to care about those with eating disorders and at the same time, deny sacraments to non-binary people. Eating disorders are issues of gender, sexuality, race, ability, and socioeconomic status. Discrepancies still exist among who gets diagnoses and treatment and who does not. You cannot be a true mental health advocate if you do not acknowledge this and attempt to dismantle gender and racial biases in health care.

Sure, many of you may tell me that this is just one diocese statement, that its likely not going to be put into practice in many parishes, and you are right. However, the words have been said and damage has been done. The pain of being rejected by one’s “home parish” is not always remedied by just going to a different, more progressive one, which, while it might be kinder, still cannot marry a gay couple. Also, not everyone has access to multiple parishes in their neighborhood.

The denial of sacraments to gay and transgender Catholics should bring pain to all of us. Leaving others out does not bring joy. Rather, it makes a mockery of the sacraments, which are not contests but encounters with God that are not meant to be reserved for the “in crowd.”

And yes, it also time for the Church to do something about weight stigma too. Funny the diocese mentions getting help for someone with anorexia, yet I cannot tell you how many people I know who have heard disparaging weight jokes from the pulpit during Lent.

It is sad how religious people often want to claim a certain “type” to be holy. Yet, God is beyond human, and therefore God does not have a size, a race, a gender, a sexual orientation, etc. So, really, we are all called to see the image of God in so many different people and places, and relationships. Maybe that’s challenging and uncomfortable sometimes, but Christianity was never supposed to be easy.

Do I Need to Fast if it Seems Like I’m “OK?” Lent, Catholic Identity, and Eating Disorder Recovery

As Lent approaches, the question of fasting may be a source of anxiety, especially for those who have struggled with disordered eating or an eating disorder. It can be very easy for well-meaning friends and treatment providers to simply say “of course you shouldn’t do that, you’re ill” or “why risk your recovery?” It can also be easy for well-meaning clergy or religious leaders to encourage fasting for anyone who does not outwardly “look sick.” I composed this article to address the question of how Lent can be observed without fasting and acknowledge the importance of both a person’s recovery and a person’s faith. For some, just being “excused” from fasting is not enough, it is important to assure people that not fasting does not make one any “less Catholic.”

What is Lent?

The 40 days of Lent are a commemoration of the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert being tempted by the devil. The New Testament tells us that Jesus fasted during this time in order to keep his focus on God. This is why, during Lent, Christians are often encouraged to make some sort of sacrifice.

Lent begins with Ash Wednesday, where Christians heads are marked with ashes to symbolize death and repentance, often with the words of Genesis 3:19, “for you are dust and to dust you shall return.” This reminds us, in the midst of all of our responsibilities, stressors, and accomplishments, that we are mortal and we depend on God. Lent leads up to Easter, which is the most important holy day for Christians. It marks the feast of Jesus’s resurrection from the dead. Jesus’s healing and inclusive ministry challenged the oppressive Roman Empire and ultimately lead to his crucifixion. Yet, Jesus’s resurrection signifies that suffering, oppression, and death do not have the last word for ANYONE. God will raise us just as God raised Jesus.

Traditionally, what is done during Lent?

Traditionally, for Catholics, Ash Wednesday and Good Friday (the Friday before Easter which commemorates Jesus’s death) are days of fasting (defined as eating only one full meal) and abstinence (abstaining from meat). All Fridays during Lent are days of abstinence. For all other weekdays during Lent, it is recommended for Catholics to participate in daily Mass and self-imposed fasting (though there is no clear definition on what this may be). Thus, many Catholics choose to make some sort of sacrifice during Lent.  

Exemption from fasting: where do eating disorders fit in?

Abstinence is obligatory for Catholics over the age of 14, and fasting is obligatory for Catholics 18-59. According to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, individuals who are mentally or physically ill, suffering from chronic illnesses such as diabetes, and pregnant and nursing women, are all excused from fasting. For someone who, perhaps, is clearly in the midst of their eating disorder with clear health complications, it may be clear that they fit into the category of those struggling with mental and physical illness.

However, things might seem murkier for the person with no abnormal lab reports, the person in a larger body, or the person who is in a strong recovery, or recovered. Catholics are told not to lightly hold themselves excused from penance. Because the guidelines for exemption are pretty general, it is up to recovered Catholics or Catholics in recovery and their treatment providers to use their knowledge of the tradition, their conscience, and their personal mental and physical health history to make decisions. It is also up to Catholics who do not have lived experience with an eating disorder, or any other mental or physical illness, to offer compassion and understanding, even if someone does not “look sick.” Less than 6% of individuals struggling with an eating disorder fit into criteria of being medically underweight (and, of course, using BMI to categorize individuals as underweight or overweight is already extremely problematic).

Although there is supposed to be a clear distinction between fasting for religious purposes and fasting for weight loss, fasting has been co-opted by the diet industry. A quick Google search can confirm this. It is not hard to find affirmations that Lent can be a great time to “lose weight.” Several people in recovery have shared with me that their eating disorder began with what was supposed to be “religious fasting.” Catholic weight loss programs offer a dangerous message that losing weight brings a person closer to God. We live in a society where people are often judged based on their size, and religious communities are not immune.

Numerous studies have shown that fasting, even when taken on temporarily, can lead to body dissatisfaction and disordered eating behaviors. Fasting can also easily be used to mask an eating disorder. It is not always easy to discern motives. Oftentimes, people who have recovered from alcoholism choose to avoid drinking any alcohol because even a small amount can carry the risk of relapse. Some do not even want to be around other people when they are drinking. Similarly fasting or even just talking about fasting can end up triggering old thoughts and behaviors. For this reason, I would say that family members or friends who may provide support to someone in recovery may also consider themselves exempt from fasting.

What if I feel bad about not fasting?

If you do feel a sense of fear, sadness, or guilt over not fasting, do not feel ashamed, especially if it is something you normally did in the past. It can always feel weird at first to observe differently. Furthermore, treatment providers and loved ones, please understand that even if Lent does not contain spiritual meaning for you, observing Lent may be important to your client or loved one’s sense of identity. Do not automatically accuse Catholic clients or loved ones of trying to manipulate you if they bring fasting up, and do not dismiss their needs and concerns. Rather, try to learn about what they believe and why.

 For Catholics, it is important to understand that not all Catholic teachings are on the same level of importance. A dogma is the highest level of Church teaching and includes beliefs like the incarnation (that God became human in Jesus), The Trinity, and the resurrection. These are teachings that are unchangeable. Fasting is not a dogma, and in fact, it is not even a doctrine, which is one step below a dogma in importance. Fasting is on the level of church discipline, meaning it is changeable and recommended, not a mandatory obligation. Unlike a total denial of Jesus’s divinity, the decision not to fast would not in a way separate one from the Catholic Church.

 In fact, teachings on fasting have changed a lot over the years. All Fridays used to be days of abstinence, now it is just Fridays during Lent. Catholics used to be told to fast from midnight on before receiving the Eucharist at morning mass. Now Catholics are told to avoid eating or drinking for just one hour before receiving the Eucharist and even for this, there are exceptions for the young, the elderly, and those who are ill. In other words, fasting is not an essential part of Catholic identity, and ideas about what fasting should entail have changed with the “signs of the times.” So, yes, we can and should consider the prevalence of eating disorders a “sign of the times.”

If someone shames you for not fasting, they are totally missing the point. Lent is not a competition, and what we do for Lent is not meant to be publicized. Matthew’s Gospel tell us that when we pray, fast, or give to the needy, we should not show others what we are doing in order to hear their praise but rather, it should be between us and God.

Also, Catholic institutions may want to re-consider their Lenten messaging. A friend of mine who is also recovered from an eating disorder remembers being triggered during her college years by messages in the cafeteria reminding students to fast. Maybe reminders about Lenten sacrifice can be less food focused. Are we not more in need of signs reminding students to be kind to one another? Would that not create an even more Catholic campus? (Not to mention that it would also be more inclusive to non-Catholics)

So what might I do instead to observe Lent?

Giving up food is not the only option. Taking something on is another way to observe Lent. This can include volunteering your time with a cause that is meaningful for you, reaching out to those whom you know may be lonely, trying to be more patient with your spouse, parents, or children; or engaging in prayer more regularly. Oftentimes during Lent, Christians are told to sacrifice in order to give to the needy. This does not mean one has to forsake eating a meal before making a donation. Food is not the only thing we buy, and there are other things we could abstain from purchasing that do not hinder recovery. Also, donating can be donating one’s time. The act of giving undivided attention to something or someone when we are normally distracted is extremely precious.

When I was in recovery, I was often told that my only job during Lent was to “eat more” and “get well.” While I recognize these words were well-intentioned, I do not recommend putting that type of pressure on Catholics in recovery. First of all, recovery is not a linear process, and setbacks are common. For people in recovery, a setback or a relapse can sometimes make one lose hope or motivation, so they do not need the extra pressure of “and now I failed Lent too!” Eating disorders are not a sin, and no matter how much a person is struggling, they are never separated from the love of God nor from the ability find God’s presence in their lives. Second, a person’s ability to access treatment and support is impacted by socioeconomic factors. Due to the false but prevalent stereotype that eating disorders only affect “rich emaciated white women,” medical professionals are less likely to listen to or take seriously the experiences of men, people of color, and people in larger bodies.

Also, just because a person struggles with an eating disorder does not mean they cannot take part in Lent as a time of penance. Taking something on can mean making a greater effort to examine our biases, and to take a more active role in addressing the injustices of systemic racism, homophobia, or ableism. Lent can and should still be a challenge and in fact, I would argue that these things are a lot more difficult than giving up candy or skipping a meal, and their impact is much longer lasting.

No one should have to choose between their faith and their recovery, and no one who is recovered should feel obligated to return to fasting. Neither should one feel that an eating disorder diagnosis is required in order for them to abstain from fasting, especially if it will cause physical or emotional distress. Loved ones who are supporting a person in recovery also should not worry about fasting. Believe me, in caring for someone with an eating disorder, you are doing God’s work.

If you are not fasting during Lent, know that you are not alone and that you are not “less Catholic.” You do not owe anyone an explanation. Your observance of Lent is meant to be between you and God anyway. God’s love is so great that I have to believe that there are multiple avenues for drawing close to God, not just during Lent, but at any time. And if God is really angry with me or anyone for not fasting, do we really want to be close to such a god anyway?

When it’s Easter and it’s hard to be joyful

We associate Easter with joy and rightly so, it is the celebration of Jesus being raised from the dead. As a kid, I remember waking up and being told I could eat candy for breakfast and that I was free to indulge in whatever I had given up for Lent. Church would filled with boisterous chatter, joyous music, and the once bare altar would be decorated with beautiful flowers. I remember asking my mom why we had to leave church in silence on Good Friday. “It is because today we are supposed to be sad, on Easter, we are happy.”

 

Yet, what happens when it’s Easter and you just do not feel like being joyful?

 

This has been a question on my mind lately, especially as some of my loved ones are going through a very difficult time this Easter season.

 

The events of our lives do not always line up neatly with the liturgical year. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a frightening diagnosis, a painful illness can all keep us feeling as though we are still stuck in the mourning and sadness of Good Friday. Easter Sunday may come and yet, we just do not feel like the good news of Jesus’s resurrection has reached us. In fact, we may even harbor doubts that this great, loving God who raised the crucified Jesus from the dead even exists at all.

 

That’s okay. In fact, it is something that Jesus and the early Christians would totally understand.

 

Yes, Jesus was raised from the dead. Yes, in raising Jesus, God affirmed Jesus’s life and ministry, showing that God stands on the side of those people with whom Jesus was so concerned, the sick, the poor, the marginalized. But for those in the midst of suffering, it can be really hard to believe that God cares. And one might ask, is this whole resurrection thing a farce? I mean, how can we prove it?

 

Yet, it is important to remember that just three days before this joyous resurrection, Jesus cried out to God, “my God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” Even Jesus felt so down and so disheartened that he experienced God as absent. In pain, he wondered where God was. No one can say for certain what exactly went through Jesus’s mind during his final hours, but from his cry of anguish, we can at least say that he sympathizes with those who feel hopeless and afraid, who question whether or not God is there.

 

It is also important to remember that Jesus’s disciples did not all suddenly jump for joy on Sunday morning. The New Testament tells us that Jesus made various appearances to his disciples in the forty days following his resurrection. Most of them do not recognize him at first. Mary Magdalene, weeping and fearful, at first mistakes Jesus for the gardener. It is not until he calls her by name that she realizes who she has encounter and clings to him with joy (John 20:15-16). Later that day, two of Jesus disciples were walking to a village called Emmaus, talking about what happened to Jesus. Jesus walked with them for a while, but they did not recognize him. It was not until Jesus broke bread with them that they realized whom they had encountered (Luke 24:13-30).

 

The apostle Thomas did not see Jesus until a week later. He did not believe the other disciples when they told him what had taken place. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe (John 20:24-25).” Although Jesus does tell Thomas, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe,” he does not shun Thomas or remain angry with him. He still lets the doubting disciple put his finger in his side.

 

The first Easter was not all joyous celebration, it was also filled with confusion. Many of the disciples were feeling guilty, a lot of them had abandoned Jesus at the cross. They were confused. Some of them had a hard time believing Jesus was again their midst and some of them struggled at first to comprehend what this meant. Later on, there were disputes among the early Christians, such as the disagreement between Peter and Paul over circumcision (Galatians 2:11-2:14).

 

The resurrection is the promise of eternal life with God for all of creation, not just those who lived at the time of Jesus, and certainly not just for the people who are alive today. In other words, the promise of the resurrection holds true, even when we may have a hard time believing it, even when the suffering of this world makes us feel skeptical. Jesus is already and always in our midst, but sometimes, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, our situation has prevented us from seeing him and knowing he is there. That is understandable. Our situation and the situation of our world, is sometimes really dark and lonely.

 

So, it is OK if you are not quite feeling the Easter season. Easter is not so much an event on the calendar as it is an experience. Jesus’s disciples do not all see him at the same time, nor did they see him right away. They had their own personal encounters that convinced them that they were in the presence of their beloved Teacher. Our own Easter experiences of joy and hope may not always occur along with the timing of the liturgical season. Sadness and depression and doubt can persist during and after Easter Sunday mass. We do not necessarily have to feel happy because its spring, the church looks pretty, and there is a lot of chocolate around.

 

In times of doubt, prayer can simply be the words, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). Christians believe in a God who loved humanity enough to become a human being, a human being who, on the cross, felt what it was like to experience God as absent.

When Prayer Feels Like Talking To a Wall…..

This past semester, some of my students have asked me the following: “When I pray or talk to God, how do I know God is listening? I mean, I could just be talking to a wall, right? That’s often what it feels like.”

I get asked a lot of questions as a professor and surprisingly, it’s not the questions about difficult theological concepts that stump me. Rather, its questions like the one above that stop me in my tracks, that keep me up at night, that no PhD can fully prepare you to answer.

 

Even though I responded to this question the best that I could months ago (with resources of different ways to pray, with explanations of faith and what it means to have an open heart, with reassurances that doubt is OK), it comes to mind now because I find myself repeating these same words during prayer. Right now, I feel like I am going through what I am calling a “spiritual dry period.” I cannot seem to pray like I used to pray. It is hard to describe, but I somehow feel less connected, like I am sometimes just “going through the motions,” like I am not sure it even matters. This feels especially troubling since regular prayer has been a part of my life since childhood. I feel this is important to share this because I think a lot of people go through these periods of intense doubt, even to Catholic theologians who dedicate their lives to studying religion. Sometimes people joke that having a doctorate in theology means I have a “direct pathway to God” or “rock solid faith that can withstand anything.” I have neither, and like everyone, still have more questions than answers.

John Haught in his book “What is God?” names God as depth, or the ultimate horizon of our existence. There are two faces to the experience of depth. There is the abyss, which feels like a “void with no support.” It can also be described as when you feel like you have hit “rock bottom,” and things just feel hopeless and you are so frightened. On the other hand, there is ground, which is the courage to accept the abyss. It’s the companion to our aloneness, the “thing” that keeps us going in spite of fear and anxiety, the little voice that tells us that doing whatever we are doing (even if it’s just getting up out of bed in the morning) is worth it, that there is “a point” to our existence. Atheists experience this as well (they may just call it something else, but even fervent non-believers experience the courage to face the abyss) but for persons of faith, the experience of depth can help us indicate what we mean by “God.”

The abyss that Haught describes helps us tackle the question of “if a loving God exists, why do I so often feel like I am talking to a wall?” Since God is not a tangible being like we are, God is not limited by time and space. We cannot touch God the way we reach out and embrace a friend, we cannot take a selfie with God to capture for our Facebook friends, we cannot get a reply from God the way we do from the person on the other end of a phone conversation. This means that God’s presence is often experienced as an absence- God is there, but we just cannot “feel it,” we are stuck in the abyss- we are “talking to a wall.”

We are creatures, which, first and foremost, means we are not God, although we are in relationship with God. So, it’s understandable that as creatures, we get frustrated “talking to a wall,” sometimes so much so that we just want to stop talking.

With prayer, just like any other activity, sometimes you have to just “do what you can.” Prayer does not always have to be the Rosary, or the Examen, or a list of petitions, or whatever traditional forms of prayer you have been taught. Prayer can also be what I made up last night as I lie in bed unable to focus.

“God, grant me an open heart to notice and feel your presence. On days that I feel doubt, help me to know that you are present even in the absence; that you remain, even if I am checked out. Help me to keep talking, even if I feel like it is to a wall, because in that wall, you are there. As I struggle right now with my faith, let me not waver in still striving to take care of Your creatures, human and non-human, and to emulate as much as possible Your love and mercy.”

So, a New Year’s goal:  try to speak to God in some way from the heart each day. Sometimes, that could be going to a mass or service, participating in communal prayer, or reciting traditional words. Other times, it might be just a minute of your time. It might even be “God, I’m frustrated with you right now, I feel like I am talking to a wall!” As Jesus taught us, the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, small and barely noticeable, yet it “grew and became a tree and the birds of the air made nests in its branches (Luke 13:18-19).” So too, our small prayer, our one minute “conversation with a wall” can produce great fruit.

For 2019, each day I am going to try post something learned, some place that I saw God in my day, some insight I discovered that can help me become a better person. These will be on my Facebook daily and I will try to upload them each week to the blog.

For those who need a place to vent, talk, mourn, etc. in wake of the Pennsylvania grand jury report

I’ve put off posting about this, mainly because the right words escape me. To my fellow Catholics, I just signed this statement calling for the collective resignation of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. I have chosen to remain Catholic in spite of the many crises of faith that I have experienced long before the Pennsylvania grand jury report was released. For many people, Catholic Church has not been a place that they can call “home,” including but not limited to women, divorced and remarried persons, LGBTQ persons, and those who, faithful to their conscience, say or act in a way that does not align fully with the Magisterium.

For those, like myself, who identify as Catholic, I believe we hold a responsibility to not only be aware of the systemic evil and injustice that has taken place in the institutional church but also to be willing to listen to all those who have been affected by it. For those of you who want someone to talk to about recent (or not so recent, since we have known that sexual abuse has been happening in the church for a LONG TIME) events, I am here- and I hope to offer the same to my students as we start a new semester next week- I am hear to listen without nudging you to leave the Church or stay in the Church, etc. I firmly believe we need to create space for people to express their feelings and reactions, even if those may be hard for us to hear.

However, one thing I WILL ALWAYS MAINTAIN is that GOD IS NOT THE PROBLEM. The way we talk about God is the problem, even right down to the very names we use for God. Human beings have a done a good job of convincing various people that God does not approve of them, that their suffering is somehow deserved or pre-ordained by God, but just because human beings abuse their power and utter such sentiments, that does not make them true. The God that I believe in is not an almighty ruler looking to punish us for every transgression or a distant God removed from the suffering and pain of our every day lives, but A CRUCIFIED GOD, a God who suffered and was crucified again every time a child of Hers was abused. We need to do a much better job of proclaiming this Crucified God. The institutional Church has abandoned God’s people, but God has not abandoned His people.*

The switching off between His and Hers as pronouns for God is intentional. God is beyond gender and no human category can exhaust the incredible Mystery that is God. All people – men, women, and transgendered persons, are capable of imaging God and therefore, God should be expressed and named using many different kinds of words and images.

 

 

Ash Wednesday: A Reminder that We Have Faith Even if it’s the Size of a Mustard Seed

It must seem odd to those who are not Christian. On one Wednesday every year, we can observe people walking around with ashes on their foreheads. They are supposed to be in the shape of a cross, but many times they end up looking more like a big black blob. And people have this mark on their forehead throughout all of their normal daily activities- at school, at work, at the gym. If you go to the supermarket or the doctor’s office, there’s sure to be plenty of people with blobs on their heads! When you think about, it’s pretty strange.

Of course, on Ash Wednesday, just like Palm Sunday (hence the name A&P Catholics- those who only go to church to get their ashes and palms), a lot of people feel the need to go to church, even if they do not go on a regular basis. Hence, many ask why some people care so much about getting ashes when they do not bother to pray, or go to church on Sundays, and even, in the case of some, when they are not sure they even believe in God or want to be Catholic. Yet, to me, there is something beautiful about this “need” to get ashes. Something compels us to do it, Something beyond us that we cannot quite explain. We may not always “act” like believers, but some small part of us “believes.”

Ash Wednesday also reminds us that through our mutual observance of the beginning of Lent, we are united with Christians all over the world. I love thinking about all the different places I’ve received ashes in my life based on where I was or what I was doing. In elementary school, I can still remember the mass exodus of Catholic kids heading to the local church across the street after the bell rang. During college at Fordham, I have fond memories of being a cantor at the evening Ash Wednesday mass. During my masters degree at Harvard, which was my first time in a non-Catholic environment, I remember being so excited that I was receiving ashes from the Lutherans one year, and the Presbyterians another. Every year, I also seem to exchange stories with my family, “Where did you get your ashes this year? Who said the mass or lead the service? Did you see anyone we know? …. ”

This year at Boston College, I went to the 12:15pm liturgy at the School of Theology and Ministry. It was refreshing to go to my office across campus afterwards, and to see the ashes on the foreheads of many of my colleagues. In spite of all the suffering and anxiety in the world, in spite of the fact that our faith in God is constantly challenged, faith still exists. Even if it is the size of a “mustard seed,” it is there. And even faith the size of a “mustard seed” is big enough to keep growing and to accomplish great things.

“Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel.”

 

Responding to Orlando as a Catholic: The Need to Feel Challenged and Uncomfortable

In the wake of the shooting in Orlando last week, I have been wondering what a heterosexual Catholic woman in academia is supposed to say. It is obvious from the timing of this post, I put off publishing a blog, and the one I am sharing now has been through numerous drafts.

Just a short while ago, I came across an article written by Paul Reid-Bowen, a male scholar of religion who asks the question of whether one can be a man, and still write about feminism from a position of advocacy and commitment. He acknowledges that as a man in a patriarchal culture, his sexual difference is problematic for feminism. If this were not the case, feminism would not need to exist in the first place. Reid-Bowen insists, therefore, that, “if any man is comfortable with feminism, something is amiss.”

As a Catholic woman, it hurts to think about how my church’s position of “Hate the sin, love the sinner” bears responsibility for feelings of homophobia and widespread discrimination against LGBTQ persons. While the church condemns violence against LGBTQ persons, a theology that defines the sacrament of marriage as solely “the union between a man and a woman” and considers homosexual inclinations to be “intrinsically disordered” does nothing to challenge the undeserved dominant position that heterosexual persons enjoy in our church or in society. With this theology, a same-sex couple can never have their union affirmed as sacramental, and being in a same-sex relationship is rendered “sinful,” for no other reason than that it defies the traditional male-female gender binary. It is no wonder that a Catholic child who does not fit neatly into traditional gender stereotypes might grow up feeling frightened and ashamed, and at risk for depression and even suicide. A lot of Catholics are afraid to publicly commit to a theology that embraces LGBTQ persons as the “image of God,” rather than persons with a disorder that needs correction, or to publicly support the availability of the sacrament of marriage to same-sex couples who love each other. We fear not only condemnation from fellow Catholics and from clergy in positions of power, but we also fear having to come face to face with our own responsibility for events like Orlando. We fear being “radical.”

I do not feel I have the right to say exactly what the Catholic Church needs to do to support the LGBTQ community right now. But I must say that I think that a shift in theology and Church teaching would be a step in the direction, precisely because the full affirmation of LGBTQ persons and relationships would be “radical.” In other words, when entering a position of advocacy for and commitment to the LGBTQ community, heterosexual Catholics and those in positions of power in the church are supposed to feel challenged and uncomfortable, or else “something is amiss.”

Finally, I speak of the need for a new theology not to be “politically correct,” but because this is what I believe is required for Catholic Christians to be disciples of Jesus in today’s world. I can no longer believe in God who is displeased with God’s own creatures solely for being who they are. In the words of Edward Schillebeeckx, “it is better not to believe in God than to believe in a God who enslaves human beings.”

 

 

 

 

A Message to Pope Francis: Birth Control is an Economic Issue

On Monday, Pope Francis made quite a remarkable statement in beseeching Catholics to speak of “responsible parenthood.” He continued, “Some think that- excuse the word- in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits. No.”

What great news for Catholic families, right? Not so fast.

While Francis seems to be condoning the practice of couples making a deliberate choice to limit the number of children they have, he still firmly upholds the Church’s prohibition on the use of artificial contraception outlined in the 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae. According to Francis, “this is clear and that is why in the church there are marriage groups, there are experts in this matter, there are pastors.” In his view, God gives [parents] methods to be responsible” and couples should rely on natural family planning.

Considering that Pope Francis has wanted to make the poor a central focus of his papacy, I cannot help but be extremely disappointed in his remarks. Family planning has often been considered a feminist issue and rightly so, in that it helps move beyond the idea that a woman’s role in life is simply to be the bearer of children, regardless of what this does to her physical or emotional health. However, family planning is also very much an economic issue. Of course, it cannot be denied that feminist issues and economic issues are constantly intertwined, as sexism, racism, and other forms of discrimination are directly related to poverty.

First of all, as a woman, I find it troubling that celibate males continue to be the only authorities in the Church who dictate Catholic teaching. These men have never experienced life in a woman’s body, yet they seem to consider themselves experts on this topic. While natural family planning may be a successful solution for some couples, it is not applicable to all women. Not all women have regular menstrual cycles, due to a variety of factors including genetics or certain medical conditions. Yet, even for women with cycles which are not irregular, ovulation does not occur at the same time each month and no woman’s menstrual cycle is identical from month to month. The rhythm method has an average failure rate of 13-20%.

Now, wait a minute. If the failure rate is 13-20%, that means the success rate is 80-87%. Not bad, some may say. And for some couples, those statistics may be comforting enough. For the healthy man and woman who both have secure jobs with benefits, a large home, and the money to hire a nanny for the three children they already have, adding a fourth might not be such a frightening prospect. Sure, it might be tough having another newborn, but they at least have the money to feed and clothe this child, and eventually help him or her through college. This couple also has a low chance of a pregnancy complications. This is not to say that such a couple must or should always be open to more children, but simply that taking their chances with the rhythm method may be easier for them to do than for some other couples.

Not every family is as fortunate to be financially secure. It is estimated that in the United States alone, anywhere from 47-50 million families are living in poverty. This number grows exponentially when taking into account families across the world. This number also increases when considering families who do not meet the standards to be considered impoverished, but are struggling due to a lay-off or disability, or parents who work two or three jobs to stay above poverty level. Taking time off from work to have a child may can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for many parents. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, women make only 78% for every dollar earned by a man. This gap is even larger for African American and Hispanic women.  Yet, women make up half of the work force and are the primary breadwinner in 4 out of 10 American families. Furthermore, the Family and Medical Leave Act only requires companies to provide 12 weeks of unpaid lave for the birth or adoption of a child if those companies have 50 more more employees and an employee has worked at the company for at least a year.

Besides financial problems, some couples also struggle with mental or physical health issues. Pregnancy affects all women differently. Even though I have never been pregnant myself, I have known many people who have and hearing their experiences proves the preceding statement is true. Some women will experience very little pain throughout their pregnancy, while other women have complications that result in being put on bed rest, or they struggle with depression. Some women are even told after giving birth not to have any more children, as this could put them in danger of serious health issues and may even cause death. Suddenly, when the entire family’s well-being is at stake, 80-87% success rate is just not enough.

Artificial methods of contraception, in particular the pill and IUD, have success rates close to 99%, and are a safer option for women with menstrual irregularities. Furthermore, some women chose to use birth control pills for reasons other than contraception. They are often necessary for women with painful menstrual cycles, an experience for which the Magisterium cannot claim to know firsthand. They also protect against some forms of cancer. Sadly, birth control is still unaffordable and inaccessible for many women, even after the implementation of the Affordable Care Act.

Wait a minute. If some couples are truly unable to have another child, shouldn’t they avoid intercourse? Some may say so. However, love happens across economic boundaries. Why should a couple who is less financially well-off not be able to express their mutual love and affection for one another? Is sexual intercourse only for the economically and socially privileged?

Finally, Catholic couples are finding through their own personal experience that use of contraception does not inhibit their ability to be loving disciples of Jesus Christ. In 1963, Pope John XXIII established the Papal Commission on Birth Control. In 1966, this commission released its majority report, which saw the use of artificial contraception as a valid extension of natural family planning, “for it is natural to man to use his skill in order to put under human control what is given by physical nature.”

Pope Paul VI’s ultimately rejected the commission’s position, by maintaing the Church’s ban on artificial forms of contraception in his 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae. It is now 2015, and so may devoted Catholics are still made to feel ashamed for making the reproductive health decisions that are best suited to their particular situations. Pope Francis, if you truly care about the poverty and oppression, will you please step up and listen to Catholic families, and in particular, Catholic women?

And Jesus Wept: Why Christians Should Lament Duke’s Cancellation of the Muslim Call to Prayer

As a doctoral student with a research interest in Muslim-Christian dialogue, I was saddened to hear that Duke University cancelled its plans to have its Muslim students sound the Friday call to prayer, or adhan, from the university chapel. I may not be Muslim myself, but I feel that my Catholic faith has been strengthened by my encounter with Islam in my academic studies. I cannot speak as a Muslim, but if I am to call myself a disciple of Jesus, I believe I must express my outrage at Duke’s decision.

On January 15th,  Franklin Graham, one of the major figures who opposed the call to prayer on Duke’s campus, posted the following statement on Facebook.

“The Muslim call to prayer that has been approved to go out across the campus of Duke University every Friday afternoon for three minutes includes “Allahu Akbar”—the words that the terrorists shouted at the onset of last week’s massacre in Paris. It includes the proclamation that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Will evangelical Christians be allowed the same three minutes weekly to broadcast the message across campus that God Almighty of the Bible sent His Son Jesus Christ to offer forgiveness of sins and salvation to all who will repent, believe, and call on His Name? Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6).”

In Matthew 7:4, Jesus asks us “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Its time for us Christians to start owning up to the planks in our eyes and offering to stand in solidarity with and support our Muslim brothers and sisters. Have us Christians apologized for the 1600% growth of anti-Muslim hate crimes that occurred after 9/11? Have we apologized for the fact that I can easily walk around the streets of Boston wearing a crucifix, but my Muslim friends do not feel as safe in a hijab? Have we apologized for the Klu Klux Klan? Does Graham take into consideration that slave-owners would often shout Bible verses while brutally beating the African American men and women whose humanity they failed to recognize? “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

Jesus also told us that the two greatest commandments are “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” Sadly, the cancellation of the Muslim call to prayer is just one example of how Christians have not shown neighborly love to Muslims.

Christians should not feel threatened by the adhan. Allahu Akbar means “God is greatest” or “God is great.” We may have different rituals and beliefs, but Allah is the same God as the God worshipped by the two other Abrahamic traditions, Christianity and Judaism, a loving, merciful God who is ultimately mystery. If God is mystery, and no humans words can fully capture the greatness that is God, this means we cannot limit where God manifests God’s self. By refusing to make space for the Muslim community, we miss out on learning how God has revealed God’s self in traditions other than our own. According to the Quran, “If God had so willed he would have made you a single people, but His plan is to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues.” And as the late Dominican Catholic theologian Edward Schillebeeckx said, “truth is not to be found in a system but in dialogue.” No one has a monopoly on truth.

Jesus was not on the side of the rich and powerful, but rather the lonely, the oppressed, and the misunderstood. Jesus did not listen to media soundbites, but rather he took the time to engage with the people he met, even those whom were hated by society. Jesus heard that Duke cancelled the Muslim call to prayer and Jesus wept.